Dagdraumar eru þess heiðurs aðnjótandi að fá að birta fyrstu smásöguna um kaptein Dick og áhöfnina hans. Sagan var skrifuð á ensku, enda er markmið höfundar að herja inn á enskumælandi markað með söguna eftir nákvæmlega átta klukkustundir. Enjoy
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The sky is clear, yet the ocean is trembling. The starfleet captain Joze Dick realizes that he had programmed the holodeck in an odd manner and begins to wonder whether his lack of pussy is starting to trouble his sense of reality. Finally he decides to ignore this line of thinking, since pussy is after all, just a female genital, not a starship. He is a captain of a starship! Still, he touches he crotch lightly, hoping none of his officers will see him. Especially lt. Halay whom he has grown quite fond of during the their last mission to the Omega Pi cluster (often abbreviated as the O.Pi. cluster) . Her smooth forehead has dominated his mind ever since, depriving him of sleep and any sense of worth. His hand is still touching his crotch. “A gentle stroke doesn’t hurt anyone” he thinks to himself.
His gentle touching is rudely interrupted by a squeaking alarm followed by a voice on the intercom.
“Captain Dick is requested on the bridge”.
The captain knew that the alarm did not mean an appending laid which did not tolerate an delay. No, that sound meant that their starship was under attack. Strangely enough, he found that thought erotic. He removed his hand from his crotch, and rushed to bridge.
When the captain entered the bridge the first thing he saw was lt. Halay’s ample yet insanely smooth forehead. Which was indeed odd, since the viewscreen was filled with Romulan warbirds firing all sorts of fancy weaponry in their general direction.
“Lt. Halay” he said “report!”
“We are under attack captain”
“I know that, I am the captain. I am utterly awesome. Bask in my glory!”
To his surprise, that statement did to not resolve in lt. Halay basking in his glory. Nor did it anything to further his awesomeness.
“What will we do captain?” asked a young officer whom captain Dick had no time to remember the name of.
“You will not touch my crotch during battle young Deerhole” replied the captain.
Baffled, the young officer returned to his duties. Rest assured, Deerhole was not the the young officer’s name nor was he touching the captain’s crotch. The captain sat down in the captain’s chair. He leaned towards his first officer and whispered
“Did you get lucky last night?”
Since the first officer was an android he had no idea what his captain was talking about. He found it even more confusing that his captain was not issuing any orders, since after all, they were being attacked by a horde of angry Romulans who were firing all sorts of fancy weaponry in their general direction.
“Forgive me captain, but I am not sure to which luckiness you are referring to.”
“Did you sleep with that female android last evening?” the captains asked loudly
“Captain, we are in a middle of a battle. Can we discuss this at another time?” said the confused android.
“NO!” screamed the captain “I am the captain! Bask in my glory!”
Even though he demanded the second time that the bridge officers would bask in his glory, noone was really sure what he meant by it nor how to actually bask in anyone’s glory.
“Raise the shields” said the captain, full of confidence “And fire phasers!”
His tactical officers, commonly known as ‘get out of my shower’ or ‘hey there, behind the bush’ replied
“I’ve already done that captain. If it weren’t for the shields we would’ve been vaporized by now”
“Stop touching my crotch” said the captain, full of anger this time. And this time his tactical officer was in fact touching his crotch. The captain wondered how the tactical officer was able to move in so quickly, without him noticing. “Well” he thought “I didn’t make him my tactical officer just because he used to be a famous singer.”
The captain laughed.
“Hahaha, you funny tactical officers” he barely managed to say due to extreme laughing “Sing us your most popular song! You used to be famous you know.”
Photon torpedoes kept bombarding the hull of their ship, while the crew of captain Dick’s starhip listened to the singing of their tactical officer. Needless to say, this act did not help them in their valiant atempt to defeat the Romulan warbirds. Few seconds later, captain Dick’s starhip was destroyed. His final thoughts were about lt. Halay’s smooth forehead and the gentle stroking he had experienced just a few moments earlier.
Hereby ends the heroic tale of captain Dick and his crew.
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Ó3,14